pop culture, shenanigans, foolishness

Queen Vashti Syndrome

It’s day 2 of the Esther Experiment! How are you feeling? Are you feeling invigorated and centered or tired and weary? I keep vasicilating between all 4 feelings but whenever you make a life-style change, insecurities, fears, and anxiety will try to take you under! I’ve stuck to my worship, diet, and exercise plan and I feel great. There’s a sense of purpose and mental clarity now that I’ve started to streamline my day and do things that encourage the “new” woman that I’m creating.

While reading the Book of Esther for worship this morning, I kept getting stuck on the unwillingness of Queen Vashti to come before King Xerses. There has been times, actually many times, when I knew I should come before God but I was afraid. I felt unworthy of a audience with Him. My Esther Experiment is my way of reclaiming my self-worth, breaking free from strongholds, realizing my potential and moving towards my destiny. I know there will be moments of self-doubt, I know, the urge to give up will be strong but I also know that I was raised by strong women, women who didn’t cringe in the face of adversity and women who dug deep when the odds were against them!

Are you tired of living a mediocre life? Do you know you’re not reaching your full potential? Rebuild with me, discard bad habits and let’s grow and learn together on this spiritual journey.

You can follow my journey on instagram @ tymbeauty and on twitter at tymbeauty1


Esther Experiment



Over the next 9 weeks, I’ll be embarking on a journey of a lifetime. I have some major decisions to make which will force me to decide on the next path I want my life to go. I’m scared, anxious, worried, and frustrated but I’m also positive that the next few weeks will be character building and emotionally stimulating. I’m calling the next few weeks my “Esther Experiment.” I’ve always been fascinated by the story of Esther, her strength, conviction and tenacity even when presented before her enemies. She didn’t run, cry, or fret, instead she focused on avenging her people and beseeched the Throne of Grace when she needed spiritual guidance:

That’s exactly what I’m seeking, complete wellness and understanding of my lifes purpose. That means going back to basics and rebuilding from the inside out. Esther spent 6 months preparing herself to be presented before the King and though  I don’t have 6 months, I believe if I’m focused and intentional I can break a few chains and make some progress in 9 weeks. The last two years have been challenging and I want something better for myself. In order to change the trajectory of my life, I have to stop the direction in which it’s going. To do that, I’m focusing on mind, body, and spiritual edification. Every day, I want to spend time working and studying on these three areas, because I don’t think you can expect healing in one area without paying attention to the others, true change is holistic.

This is a rough draft of my daily plan, I’ll edit as we go along.

2 hours of spiritual/Bible study

1 hour of movement/exercise

1 hour of reading

I plan to attend church regularly, i won’t indulge in processed foods, drink only water, get in bed by 11 pm, spend less time watching Netflix and more time in prayer.

Lets see what happens over the next 9 weeks, will you join me?










I haven’t spoken about my #womenmarchnyc experience yet, and I will. I wasn’t sure what to expect as a triple minority. One of the highlights was at the end of the march while I was heading to 51st station. I was walking with a bunch of older white people and this Jewish lady started yelling.
JL: Black Lives Matter! Black Lives Matter!
Me: *head snaps up* Black Liv- wait am I the only Black person here?
Group of white people: *polite laughter*
JL: Don’t worry hun, I got your back! Maybe if these White people had shouted “Jewish Lives Matter” there wouldn’t have been a Holocaust.
Me: Laaaaawd, take it easy! 😂
*we held hands and shouted “Black Lives Matter” till we got to my station*

Sometimes you’ll find allies in the most random places. Keep your eyes opened.



Happy New Year and all my love in 2017! So much has happened over the last few weeks, but I’m back on track and ready to share and connect. 2016, was a rough year for me, health-wise, relationship wise, everything-wise. Lots of set-backs and disappointments but I’m in a really healthy place right now, where I want to turn the chaos of the last year into something fruitful and worthwhile. I would be a liar, if I said that I know the direction that  and I want this blog to go in. I want to talk about the things that make me happy, inspire me, keep me grounded and what I do to be fulfilled. That means being honest about some of my short-comings, my lack of discipline, my ego and my anxiety about certain things. I’m scared but hopeful that I can work through my issues and find a group of like-minded people who I can share and bond with. So, will you share this journey with me The highs, low, and all the nooks and crannies that are uncertain? Will you rejoice and cry with me? Most importantly, can we learn from each other? Let’s face everything together, it will be challenging but I believe we’ll be much stronger people because we did this as a team!

You can follow me here for random updates!

and on twitter @topazmckenzie on instagram topazyolande


just a word of advice

I’m a hypocrite but GET YOUR EYEBROWS DONE. Stop doing it at the nail salon, go to Benefit or a Brow Bar and get your eyebrows shaped by a professional. Its more expensive and takes about 20 minutes but “bad eyebrows” take months to grow out. If you haven’t had your eyebrows mapped for your face yet, treat yourself and do it. It’s important and life-changing.



500 Challenge




Thanksgiving and Christmas are right around the corner and I cannot wait! I love spending time with friends but I also love all the delicious food and my family puts on a spread. The only downside is that I tend to gain at least 5 pounds during the holiday and I really want to enjoy my favourite treats while keeping physically active. So I’ve decided to do a work out challenge and I want YOU to join me!

So this is the challenge, everyday until December 23rd we’re going to do the “500 Challenge”

100 Crunches, 100 push ups, 100 Burpee Hybrids, 100 Squats and 100 leg lifts.

Are you up for the challenge? This isn’t to replace your normal workout, it’s to add to it. My suggestion is to break the sets up (10, 20, 30) and to do the workout over the course of several hours. Let’s get physical!


*for safety, please google or YouTube the different moves for proper form








Things Will Fall Apart

And when everything is falling apart,

when life presents roadblocks,

when breathing is difficult and no one understands.

When money doesn’t stretch,

when your friend turns into a foe,

when those you trust, leave.

When simple discussions turn into arguments,

when sweetness turns into bitterness.

When life is painful,

when your good deeds go unnoticed.

When people talk about you instead of pray for you.

When all you want to do is lay down, when you’ve slept for hours but you’re still tired.

These are the moments that you have to dig deep into the well of faith.

This is when you have to shut out naysayers and lean on your inner strength

Don’t allow this moment to derail or thrwart your efforts

Your uneasiness might very well be the gate to next sucess

Mental Peace

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been looking for a place that I can call my own where I can write, listen to music, look at my art books and not worry about the pressure or expectations that life hurls at me. Am I delusional to think that a place like that exists, perhaps, but I still long for a place where I can just “be”. My living situation since arriving in New York has been nothing short of tumultuous. I tend to attract people who like to control my every move and who enjoy micro-managing me. This isn’t new to me, but I am in place where I’m exhausted with having to “squish” myself into what the people in my life expect of me. Rejecting “the squish” has happened not only at the place where I lay my head but also in my church life and relationships. I just want to be free and to do what makes me happy and unfortunately it’s taken me a long time to understand my needs and more importantly to understand that my needs are important. I’ve learned to divorce people who rob me of my happiness or who force me into places or conversations that put me in mental anguish. I realize that it’s not my job to save people or to smile so hard that my teeth hurt or to ignore emotionally abusive behaviour. I’m no longer baited into conversations that don’t promote resolutions and I now accept that I’m not psychic, so reading people’s minds and anticipating their needs is no longer my burden. It it easy? Absolutely not, it’s taxing, uncomfortable and humbling but the peace that I’ve received has been remarkable. Loving myself wholly is a lot of work but it’s the most rewarding work I’ve ever done.


On a lighter note, how was your weekend? Did you do anything fun? I watched ‘Miss Peregrine’s ome for Pecuilar Children: I HATED IT

I got a lamb pita at a food truck in Harlem:I LOVED IT

I listened to Solange’s NEW album, “A Seat at the Table” and it”s glorious as expected.

Off for more adventures in this busy and itimidating city!



MUST BUY: Pier 1 Import: Asian Spice



Many moons ago, I used to buy Pier 1 Import Reed Diffuser. They smelled great and were a wonderful alternative to room sprays. My Mom recently rediscovered them and has been nagging me to buy ‘Asian Spice”. Well, I picked one up yesterday and I’m a idiot for having waited so long. I’m huge on aromatherapy. I love my place to smell amazing and I use different scents  to combat stress, insomnia, and my general mood. The concept of how reed diffuser work is pretty simple. The scent infiltrates the reeds and leaves your room smelling amazing. They also last for up to 2 months which is economical and they’re reusable. Pier ! describes Asian Spice® oil as being —a fusion of clove and grassy vetiver, spiced with hints of patchouli, coriander and sweet musk. It truly smells heavenly and it’s a great scent to de-stress with. If you’d like to try Asian Spice or the wide vatiety of diffusers diffusers that Pier 1 Import has, follow the link! here

What’s your go to scent in times of happiness or stress? Are you a candle, room spray or reed diffuser kind of gal? If you have a favourite scent, please let me know in the comments!



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